Author's note: This is a recount of my entry into a new world that may not be so new. If you get what I mean... though I do not myself. Also I do not feel like typing in my preferred Clapasian fashion, thus please make do with this. Still, you must keep your excitement down as this style may also be queer, and definately not normal. And I know it's a bit late, but I got my internet late.
Ever since I have been flung far out into lands beyond the reached of my beloved country, I have constantly been plagued with sadness and a deep longing for my homeland. I lay in my own grief wishing to find peace and yet adventures came persistantly though strongly unwanted. On this first night in an unfamiliar land, I longed no more than a shelter to rest under. Entering the unlit domains of my newly aquired home, a sudden coldness swept across my right foot. My sixth sense informed me of a leaking roof, so I looked up, but I found nothing. My tired and heavy head hung down disappointed in my false judgement. Then there it was. Even as my vision was focused straight forth toward the dusty ground, I could spy a giant black image scurrying around the corners of my fully dilated pupils. I spun ninety degrees clockwise, possibly more, and saw before my awesome presence, a spider. Not any ordinary spider, this one must have been enjoying the peace it had in my empty home prior to my arrival. Without having to use my extremely intelligent brain, I calculated that this spider was either the size of my left fist or maybe even more. Further calculations told me that this would be a one-sided battle. I fled. From one corner of my living room I flung one of my only two weapons (my shoes) at the horrendous creature unknown to mankind, or possibly only unknown to me. As if in slow motion, I watched my shoe rotate its way toward the spider, finally missing it by a good ten inches. Still, it was sufficient and the spider jogged away. It stopped and hid behind a black bag. From that second on, I was a changed man. This spider had totally made the wrong move, that black bag was a possession of mine. A chair was swung in a semi-arch and the bag flew off. The vile hairy scum cowardly made his escape, only to be impeded by my right foot. My left arm holding my other shoe, flew downward while I shouted, "Bankai!" But the filthy spider played dirty by dodging my grand slam. It should have just stayed there. A great chase was made, it probably lasted ten seconds, possibly less. Zooming its way into the garage and dodging my well aimed frenzied attacks, the spider scurried under the family car. In a flash I was off and back again (I even had time for a glass of water), without my right shoe, but with a bottle of insecticide in each of my hands. I ducked down to give the spider one final look at my extremely smart-looking face before I ended its miserable life. It was not under the car. With extreme speed and gracefulness, I spun around firing my sprays the same way Mr. and Mrs. Smith did. I kept spinning, anxious to avoid the smeaky spider's ambush. I dashed through the door and back to safety, fellig dizzy and extremely annoyed at my failure. Then, there on the kitchen floor, I saw two cockroaches that would later suffer my wrath.
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