the senselessness of loneliness

Loneliness. The intoxicating brother of emptiness. It binds to us. It chills us. It takes away all functions of our senses. It brings down our mortal ego. It snuffs out the flame of hope. Whatever trickle of strength we have left, it laps up with its deceitful tongue. We are blind men fighting against a world of nothingness. Nothing we do can fill the void. It is a vacuum that draws out all your emotions. Till you have nothing left but the blank wall you face each day. The blank faces you speak to each day. The blankness of the work you do each day. The pointlessness of it all. It no longer makes any sense. Each day you lift your hands to do your work. You drag your heavy feet along the path. You enter a building and you leave it. And you do it again. And again. Enter. Leave. Enter. Leave. And again. The world is mundane. You no longer serve a purpose. You just live each day as it is meant to be lived. But its simplicity is a doubtful matter. For there is a pounding in your head that never ceases. It drives you mad. It takes your sanity. It converges your thoughts into one such that they no longer make any sense. Your head hurts. The pain is never relieved. It remains. Until you no longer feel it. Because you no longer feel anything. The whole craziness of the entire matter. None of it makes sense. The senselessness of the world is senseless. The senselessness of this claim is senseless. Loneliness is a senseless matter. It takes away all reasoning. It takes away all understanding. It takes away all sense. There is only that void to live in. An empty world of nothingness and senselessness. A pitiful world of loneliness.

Notsnhoj

a revelation of the common

Author's note: This is probably my second blog entry in my life that relates of an event in its most direct fashion. Or at least most relative to the capabilities of my awkward styles.

The Mirroring Sky

I stand here on top of a building I call home for this day. My time passes slowly and steadily, like a lioness on the prowl, awaiting my own guard duty prowling. The sun has risen and is now to set, yet I have served naught but four notches on the clock. The remaining of this wretched day I have lay, sat and stodd, watching time pass by as it too watched me. I have seen cloud after cloud travel from one horizon to the other. I have seen the birds glide to the heavens and down again. I have seen men and women from all ranks of our regimentation dig their boots to and fro from the ferry terminal. And yet, time is still, and my duties remain the same. I have not moved, nor will I, for a very long time.

I am at a lost for words, for after these many hours that I have been dead standing, I have just been rewarded with a glorious view of a different type of sky. I see a sea of blue covering the atmosphere. Below it, its colour converges with the sun's rays, giving birth to a field of green. Beneath it are patches of black clouds, looking akin to sea rockes and an entire vegetation of shrub, bush and tree, with representatives from every family. But of the most remarkable, there is none other than what lay in the horizon itself. Giant grey clouds shaped like cones covered the horizon, overlapping one another. Whitish clouds surrounded them and their sides were covered in red light.

The heavens have granted me a beautiful sight. A sea of blue upon a savanna of green. Patches of minute black clouds covered both colours, representing craggy sea rocks and land shrubery and forestry. And beyond them were majestic mountains reaching high above the vertical limit, shrouded in a romantic mist, with steaming volcanic ashes streaming down their sides. The sky has mirrored the earth.

All of a sudden, two hours have past. My regimental duties have to be resumed. Strangely, I am at peace and am content.

a delay for joy and pain

The bars of my enslavement of the yesteryear have been long and gone. Wings have liberation have sprouted and I have never felt such a sweet breeze of freedom gliding across my face. The joy that springs forth from the depths is unlike any other. It shoots higher than any mountain and scatters to the four corners. They say a new chapter is blooming. There is no doubt and no lies behind the claim that any aniticipation is greater than kings. If I could live the life now instead of waiting a few more days, I would sieze upon the chance and bind it to my soul. All in an instant, I would grasp it and let no other threaten its existence. Such is my relish. I have a hope that my bliss will be unparalleled. For soon I shall leave my life of darkness and travel to a place where dusk and dawn embrace. A place where there are people and objects close to my heart. Yet there is a fear. A fear that lies within my greatest hope. It is a fragment of glass inside my heart. The world is ever-changing. The people we understand, the people we know, the people we meet, and even the people outside our tiny world never cease to change. I suffer a heavy disquietude. Will the bonds begin to change? Will alliances be broken? Will the confederacy fall to shatters? Will collaborators betray each other? Will the concord be deemed worthless? Will the members of the pact turn from one another? Will the mutual knot be untied? It remains a bliss-in-waiting and an sufferance unsure.

Notsnhoj

a confession of actuality

To all of this foreign land who know of my existence,

I fear to say this, yet it grows strongly within my heart like poison. An apology I owe to the people I know. Yet as this confession pours out before your eyes, I hope so strongly that you would do but one thing. To view it as if it were not me writing. For it is in that, that my story is of. For I have lied much of what is known to you. I have hidden myself behind a veil. Withdrawn deep into the depths of the unknown, only showing of the lies and deceit I had wished you to believe. Suffice it to say, that I have never shown you my own self. But instead, revealed a distortion of my actuallity. I wished I could have only shown you the true Notsnhoj. The personalities behind this hidden figure. For reasons known and deeply etched into my troubled mind, I have done you a great wrong. It was not something I had wished, but it came like a falling leaf, gracefully yet quietly. Such that I had not known its coming, and neither its presence, until time had past till there was no time left. It is of utmost importance that I say, I have grown to respect the very people I act as if I dislike. It is, I must say, a respect beyond mortal bounds. I only hope that you do not brushed it away. For in those I respect, I cannot hope to delude. For within me burns a dark and cold flame that forces me to acknowledge my abomination. It is one flame I lack the abilities to extinguish, as much as I wish to. But I have not the cold unfeeling heart to do so. I am tomented onwards by this deed of felony. For it is as ugly as a dying world, except that it is my soul dying. The shell I created, was not one that is, was, nor will be well appreciated. I had not planned it to. Yes, it was my corrupt creation, materialised from my corrupt imagination. I thought it a mere test. Yet, a test that is a lie. Albeit a cruel one. To both my hurt self and to all who remain in ignorance of my character. I wish only to show, the person that hides. Upon invitation, what would need be done would be so with none less than gladness. It is peace I seek within myself, and a pardon from those without.

Notsnhoj

the rant of the missing few

Those are grand halls, there have been none so spacious.

A history of happiness no doubt to continue.

Tonight, a night, where all come gracious.

The gentlemen come in coats all so new.

The ladies with their smiles so sweet and vivacious.

Of the people whom belong, missing are few.

Missing are few.

There are you.

The music is set, and the program is beggining.

The tables with all kinds of foods laden.

The fun and the merriment and the joy unspring.

To chat to the gentleman and sweet-talk the maiden.

Conversing, feasting, punting, dancing.

So much to do, no sign of bother nor of burden.

Of the few not there,

Would someone care?

A hearty laughter rings out, rings out, rings out.

A gallery of smiles to be seen, to be charmed.

"Hurry, lest our customers hunger and pout."

Exclaimed the manager, obviously alarmed.

Manservants flooded the premises as if in rout.

"Rush out the next dish, and back you come!"

Boil, stew, steam and roast.

Some or none for the host?

"Where is the host? Where is the host?

Long gone was the start of our feast.

We have not addressed nor seen our host.

We know him not. If we did, would we be pleased?

We should not bother if he be far or close.

He's part of the missing few, the missing least.

Where is the host? Who is the host?

He has missed the most."

"I am the host! Remember you not?

I was a friend and compatriot, care you not?

We played and danced, recall you not?

We grew up together, was that not?

You know me, know you not?

I exist in your thoughts! Do I not?

You are there.

And I am here."

"The food is laden, why taste I not?

The music is playing, why hear I not?

I should be there! Why am I not?

My soul is willing! Why am I not?

Why am I not? Why am I not?

I should be there! Why am I not?

You are there.

And I am here."

"The components of my heart are up in turmoil.

I fancy, I want, I covet, I relish!

My desires, my needs are all curled up in one coil.

To be there! To be there! That's all I wish.

My tears fall upon foreign soil.

Would there be none to fulfil my wish?"

My tears are unnoticed.

My wish is unheard.

Notsnhoj

the bastion of authority

When one speak of the United States, the impression on those around him is always great. The great America, supreme ruler of our world today. Unchallenged at the summit, she reaches down to push off those climbing up the mountain of authority. Far down she has to reach, for even those nearest to the top are not near at all. America, the land of stars and stripes, unsurpassable and divine. They alone hold the key to the gates of history.

Both respected and worshipped, America maintains a large degree of influence throughout the known world. On earth, there is none that are capable of truely challenging them. In space, they own every portion known to mankind. They rule all undentifiable matter through their undefined quantities of ducats. They are the world's richest and they have the world's richests. Their limitless industries crowd every corner of the world, drawing the currencies to them. At the center of the world, they do whatever they please. They have the cash. The world looks up to them at the summit while they look down below. Untouchable, they master all of authority. In God's name, they capitalise on their authority. With God behind them, they ravage all lands as they see fit. They make the laws. They make the rules. They command and reign over earth. They are America.

The United Nations was created so that every nations had a share in our world. Given the power and authority to act against agressive nations, they were to keep the peace. But alas, it was America whose voice was essential for the creation of this supposedly peace keeping force. A world body created to make decisions for the world. Is this a dream? Or a lie? Is the UN more powerful than the US? Surely, America has to bend to the world's authority. It is evident that America has not attacked any country for selfish amibition for fear of the collective union and resistance of the countries of the UN. What of Iraq? Is America crusading against terrorism for the sake of the world? Or is it to do with selfish ambition?

Surely, the UN can end all nonsense from America if they wish to. They are the world's body. Surely, their word weighs more than anything else? Then why does America owe $1 billion to the UN? A sum worth peanuts to the world's biggest industry. The UN blocks the will of America and America cuts off its share of paying. It is a big blow to the UN. $1 billion is a lot to the UN. It needs the cash to run. Worst still, Japan wishes to pull out of paying too! If America is not paying, why should they? Can the world's body do nothing to punish America? Their intent is obvious. Yet a nation of America's stature can afford to make claims and make the world repeat that claim.

Is the world unfair? It is always unfair. The recent Israeli attack on Lebanon shook public opinion. For two soldiers, Israel overturns everything that is standing. People have lost loved ones and their entire life. Are the attacks justified? (I myself would prefer the use of a better word than justify, for I disagree to the need for justifying any war. But let us settle for justify now, in its most general meaning.) America does not care if the war is successfully justified or not. Its claim that Hizbolla started the conflict would suffice for the faithful dogs of America. It should suffice for the rest of the world as well. After all, who dares to comdemn Israel and then condemn America for supporting the terrible attacks. Whoever does, runs the risk of angering America and losing its friendship, how ever deep. Iran obviously does not need to care as the friendship was long forsaken. But what of Syria and other Islamic countries who at the start fiercely disparaged Israel's offensive. Why is it that they have not raised a strong voice to resist the American "justification by presence"?

America reigns supreme over all the earth. They maneuvre through the expanse as if all were their own. They hold the globe upon their palms. All the soil and all the waters are theirs. Their people hold places of great influence in every land. Their navy are ever-present in every sea. The authority of the universe lies not on any hand but theirs. The future becomes what they say. They are the gateway to the heathen gods, rulers of the realm, Poseiden of the oceans and the bastion of the world's authority.

Johnston

a rebuke of politics

I write this in response to the increasing speckles of protesters who mock the Singaporean "right-wing" democracy. For years foreigners have looked upon our great democracy and laughed at our "right-wing" politics. They have mocked our leader as a dictator. Now inspiring youths have formed their ideas of a Singapore being run by true democracy. They choose to be ignorant of our past glories and our present success. The orderly society that never falters in its growth depends strongly on its political structure of intense rigidity. They claim that true democracy will make everything much better than it is. But what can anyone hope of democracy if its leading users are such poor examples. I speak of the nations of America and Australia.

The Singaporean government rewards the efforts of its citizens. All work is paid off. Earn a living yourself and strive to the fullest and you can only hope to advance your living standards. Everything you do has a consequence. The system Singapore works by allows all who push for the better life to gain the better life. America does not provide this comfort to its people. The poor stay poor no matter how hard they try. Once in a while, one lucky poor man turns rich and the media exaggerates his advance in life, making the world believe this is so of every poor American. I tell you this is not true. There are many living barely livable lives. Yes, there are those who do turn rich. What of the millions more who do the same work but suffer unprotected under the hands of their oppressive bosses. The US government does nothing to defend these slaves as they only hope to please the upper class. They need the support of the rich. In America, the rich get richer and the poor get poorer. Singapore is such that everyone reaps the benefits of their labour and everyone can improve their standard of life as long as they try.

Australia, on the other hand, is an apalling example of which I fear to use but I have no choice. In Australia, the support comes from the poor. The poor are not poor without reason. They demand welfare from the government and are thus given it. One year, down the road they realise life could be better with more and they demand more. The Australia government almosts seems happy to oblige any whim coming from these sloths. When things are not given to them, they just need to wait a few more weeks. More slackers join them due to this awesome lazy life where one works none and lives well. They add voice to those who were there to start with. The numbers increase by each word I speak. They have competence to work, but they need not use it. All that is needed for them to accomplish is to lay back and claim government handouts from suffering tax payers. I wonder if these people have any shame or conscience of what they are doing. There is no poor man in Australia. However, this comes at the cost of their honour.

It can all be summarized into this short paragraph. The poor man of America works hard but stays poor. The poor man of Australia sloths all day and collects huge sums from the government. The poor man of Singapore works hard for his own money. He earns a better living than the poor man of America and lives a more honourable life than the poor man of Australia. The democracy of America grants its rich people benefits at the expense of its poor. The democracy of Australia grants its poor people benefits at the expense of its rich.

The "right-wing" democracy of Singapore grants no one benefits at the expense of no one, benefits are only gained after hard work and laziness only results in further loss.

Every action has its consequence. The good is repaid with good. Thus, all bad are repaid with bad. Perhaps many would cry out at the harshness of the Singapore system. But isn't it all neccessary? If we look at the brilliant society Singapore has nutured. Singapore has one of the lowest crime rates. All crimes are dealt with punishment. Punishment acts both as a deterrent for non-offenders and as a lesson to offenders, lest they repeat their foolishness. An extremity? The result is a society nearly unblemished. It is safe to walk the streets of Singapore. There is no reason to fear that you may be attacked or raped. If you are then never fear, you can always meet the offender again within hours due to the high efficiency of the Singapore police.

I do not know of the American system, but having lived in Australia, I can relate of its horrors. Criminals have roamed the country for months and even years, all the while evading capture. Caught offenders have been known to beat up the police and run away. The police seem to feel no urgency in capturing law breakers. Many of the police themselves aren't too holy. Youths can steal, riot, rape and kill. If they are caught, they only need to put on a grieving facade and declare their deep repentence and they will be freed! At most they would experience the droning voice of a counseller, a punishment reserved for Singaporean youths who do not do their homework! That's meant to be murder for crying out loud. No one is afraid of breaking the law in Australia. Democracy is the cause and root of all this ridiculousness. Potential criminals after all have a vote. Let the Australian government hear their voice and lessen jail sentences so that these bandits can run amock all over the country in whatever manner pleases them. The result of the Australia true democracy. How lovely would that be in Singapore. The Singaporean government are doing their job.

Do you want pure democracy? This is only one tiny aspect of the destruction caused by these unwholesome democracies. Is this the beautiful picture that was once painted? Claims of the wonders of democracy are as ridiculous as claims for the wonders of communism. There is no difference.

Johnston