To all of this foreign land who know of my existence,
I fear to say this, yet it grows strongly within my heart like poison. An apology I owe to the people I know. Yet as this confession pours out before your eyes, I hope so strongly that you would do but one thing. To view it as if it were not me writing. For it is in that, that my story is of. For I have lied much of what is known to you. I have hidden myself behind a veil. Withdrawn deep into the depths of the unknown, only showing of the lies and deceit I had wished you to believe. Suffice it to say, that I have never shown you my own self. But instead, revealed a distortion of my actuallity. I wished I could have only shown you the true Notsnhoj. The personalities behind this hidden figure. For reasons known and deeply etched into my troubled mind, I have done you a great wrong. It was not something I had wished, but it came like a falling leaf, gracefully yet quietly. Such that I had not known its coming, and neither its presence, until time had past till there was no time left. It is of utmost importance that I say, I have grown to respect the very people I act as if I dislike. It is, I must say, a respect beyond mortal bounds. I only hope that you do not brushed it away. For in those I respect, I cannot hope to delude. For within me burns a dark and cold flame that forces me to acknowledge my abomination. It is one flame I lack the abilities to extinguish, as much as I wish to. But I have not the cold unfeeling heart to do so. I am tomented onwards by this deed of felony. For it is as ugly as a dying world, except that it is my soul dying. The shell I created, was not one that is, was, nor will be well appreciated. I had not planned it to. Yes, it was my corrupt creation, materialised from my corrupt imagination. I thought it a mere test. Yet, a test that is a lie. Albeit a cruel one. To both my hurt self and to all who remain in ignorance of my character. I wish only to show, the person that hides. Upon invitation, what would need be done would be so with none less than gladness. It is peace I seek within myself, and a pardon from those without.
Notsnhoj
